Monday, January 12, 2015

We Are Finished

Baby Girl turned 17 months on Saturday. She has not nursed since Thursday. I think we are officially weaned. Breastfeeding her was the most challenging and most rewarding experience of my life.

It hurt in the beginning, and then again when she started teething. It hurt when she bit me a few times. It hurt when her latch changed after she got teeth.  It hurt when I had a clogged duct. It hurt when she felt like she was permanently attached to me for the first few months. And it hurts to know that she is done. Don't misunderstand. I am so done. I want my body back. It was the right time. She was ready and I was ready. But that does not mean it doesn't hurt.

I sustained her life. All by myself until she was a year old. No formula. Just Mommy's milk. I am so proud of meeting that goal. Then continued on as she was eating full meals and snacks. I kept on nursing her. Less and less. But I was still able to soothe her or put her down to rest by nursing her. It was our time together. It was beautiful. But now we are done and ready to bond in other ways.

I will miss her staring into my eyes like I was her whole world. Or the gentle touches on my face. There is a lot I will not miss and if you have ever nursed a baby, you know what I am talking about. The bites, the pumping, the niplash, the inability to just pop a cold medicine when you are miserably sick. Breastfeeding is hard. Am I glad to be done. I am glad to have done it. It is something that I am looking forward to doing again when the time comes. My breastfeeding journey started with tears and it ended with tears. Today, these tears are happy and sad. I am done. I have met my goals. I have provided for my child. I have persevered through the pain and the challenges. I have done it. We have done it. And we are finished.