Saturday, November 2, 2013

Thankful for the Heartbreak

I am seeing people posting all over Facebook about what they are thankful this time of year. Tis the season after all. I am thankful for lots of things: people in my life, food to eat, a home to live in, a job I love. But mostly I am thankful for our Baby Girl.

Naturally, most parents are thankful for their kids, but I think I might have a little bit of a different perspective. My husband and I suffered three heartbreaking miscarriages starting in 2011. You can read Our Story here. I wanted nothing else in life. With every passing month, every negative pregnancy test, with every trip to the fertility doctor, I wanted a child more and more. With every positive pregnancy test I got more nervous. Loosing pregnancy after pregnancy takes a little excitement out of that little stick with the word "pregnant" on it. I spent the first 4 months of this last pregnancy over analyzing every little twinge I felt.

So, what I am trying to babble out, is that I cannot change the fact that we had our hearts broken by loosing three babies. But what I can do is be thankful that those losses led to diagnoses which led to a successful pregnancy. I can be thankful that they made me more aware of just how special her little life is. They made what we all know... a child is a precious gift from God... they made it really real for me. My heart is so full of thankfulness to God for finally blessing us with this little baby that I cannot even seem to ramble it all out on here.  I cannot even imagine what it was like before her. I find myself saying, "What did I do before she was here?" I now have a tiny glimpse of how my Heavenly Father feels about me. How much he loves me. So much so that he sacrificed His Only Son to die on the cross for ME! For MY sins, so that I might choose to live in Heaven with Him forever. WHAT!!???!! Go ahead, begin to TRY and wrap your head around it. His ONLY SON! The love that I feel for Baby Girl... I cannot imagine loosing her, let alone giving her up to die for someone else's sinful life. I am reminded of the words of the song below.  Take a minute to watch and listen. Blessings to you this Holiday Season!

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
And make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away 
As wounds which mar the Chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory